Texas Christmas Page 5

  Luke looked down at his hands that held the reins of his horse. “It isn’t that simple,” he said, unable to look up and make eye contact with Tomas. “If I could cut it out, I would. In a heartbeat. But they are memories, actions, things that cannot be undone. If I cannot forgive myself, how can I ever ask anyone else to do so?”

  “Now there is a tidbit of wisdom. Something you should think about as you continue in Gabriella’s life, if that’s an idea you’re entertaining. I believe you have touched the heart of my granddaughter, something I feared would never happen. But if you want to love fully, and be loved fully in return, there must be honesty between both of you. You cannot hide your past. It will always come back to haunt you. Do you want it to come back and haunt her as well?”

  “No!” His reply was so sharp the horses startled and the old man nearly lost his grip on the shotgun. Once they had the horses under control again, the old man let out his raspy, wheezing laugh.

  “You almost got what you thought was coming your way,” he chuckled. “I almost shot you.”

  Both men laughed together, before finally catching their breath and enjoying the silence once again. “You know,” Tomas began after several minutes, “I used to explore these woods up here when I was younger. I learned a lot from listening to the wind and the trees. I went up there when I was mad, or sad, or confused, or just needed to get away from it all. I think, if you are ready, we will find some wisdom there today.”

  Luke swallowed hard. Was he ready? What would he tell Tomas? There was so much that had happened in his life... But he didn’t hesitate to urge his horse forward, and ride to the tree line with Tomas. It was time.

  Chapter Five

  Gabby took her time running the brush through the luxuriously thick hair, marveling at the way it caught the light and shimmered. “You certainly received the gift of beautiful hair,” she said softly.

  Olivia sighed. “Thank you, Gabby. Let’s hope the babe receives the same. Doyle certainly has the gift of some wonderful hair. And a frightful loud yell, too.” She chuckled.

  “With his yell we could have held off the Mexican Army for days.” Gabby laughed in return.

  Olivia sighed again. “I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but you don’t need to fuss over me. How long are you and the doctor going to keep me trapped in this bed, anyway? It’s already going on the third day.”

  “As long as your body needs it,” a male voice answered from the doorway, and Gabby looked up in excitement and surprise upon hearing Luke’s voice. From the way her abuelo had been acting, she wasn’t certain he would survive the morning.

  But he had, and her heart beat faster as she looked at his tall frame, leaning against the doorjamb, his coat over one arm and his hands in his pockets. He looked so casual, so at ease, and she desperately wanted to go to him and brush away the lock of hair that had fallen forward on his forehead.

  He had treated her with such kindness the night before. She couldn’t remember the last time someone had taken care of her. But it had been incredible, and she couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to have someone to share her burdens with.

  You want him. He just doesn’t want you. Her subconscious hit her like a splash of cold water and she stood and turned to face Olivia, regretfully taking her eyes off the disarming doctor.

  “You’ll need to stay in bed for a while longer. This babe is determined to give you a tough go of it. I certainly hope its temperament changes once it lets loose the first cry.” She smiled at her cousin and eased her back down on the bed. “Don’t worry, Olivia. You’ll be back on your feet in no time at all.”

  “You say that, but I’m wondering if I should trust either of you,” Olivia grumbled, then sighed as she settled comfortably back in bed.

  Gabby walked towards the doorway and Luke moved out of her way as she closed the door gently. “I doubt we’ll be able to let her on her feet until the babe comes, or at least until it turns.”

  Luke nodded. “I agree. She doesn’t have much longer to go. Let’s hope that babe starts moving quickly.”

  Gabby nodded and they turned away from Olivia’s room. She could feel Luke watching her, but she didn’t want to look up at him. She was worried she would see disappointment in his eyes, disappointment that she hadn’t tried harder to protect him from her grandfather.

  “I certainly didn’t expect to see you up and about this early,” Angie’s cheerful voice greeted them as they came out into the dining room. Angie’s smile was bright, and welcoming.

  Gabby couldn’t help but smile in return. “You know I’ve never been one to sleep late.” She glanced over at Luke who also had a smile on his face. “Besides, you need the help to get ready for the morning meal.”

  “What about you, Luke? What are you going to do today?”

  “I need to go check the clinic and see how much progress they’ve made in the repairs.”

  Gabby’s head whipped in his direction and she hoped the longing she felt didn’t show on her face. She would love to go to his clinic, and see if he truly was different than the other doctors she’d met and heard about.

  He glanced over at her but his expression was passive. She turned back to face Angie and began to walk towards the kitchen. “I suppose I’ll start the tortillas.” She could feel Luke’s eyes boring into her back and she maintained a poised posture. She wouldn’t let him know how badly she wanted to be with him. She didn’t want to admit to herself how much she wanted to be with him.

  Luke decided to help the men prepare the meat for the morning meals, and found himself in charge of the large pit as Raphael and Lorenzo stood huddled together nearby, trying to stay warm. Cade and Trevor were both at the jail working. While Cade was officially the town Sheriff, Trevor liked to help whenever he came in to see the family. As a Texas Ranger, Trevor knew his fair share of Texas law.

  “Does she really expect us to put up all of the Christmas decorations today?” Raphael asked, frustration in his voice.

  “She spent nearly all night making them. I think that, at the very least, we should get those decorations up,” Luke said, coming across a little harsher than he had intended.

  Lorenzo and Raphael turned their attention on him. “We know she did, Luke. We’ll put them up; it’s just a real pain in the neck.” Raphael frowned at him.

  “She just seems so determined to make this a perfect Christmas,” Luke said, lifting the lid to the pit and turning the meat.

  Lorenzo and Raphael chuckled. “That’s the way she is every Christmas. And every Christmas she goes to the market and spends her money on all the decorations, and then special little gifts for everyone. She refuses to let us pay for a thing. Why do you think we were so frustrated with her when she came home with that wagon loaded with food and decorating supplies yesterday?” Lorenzo asked.

  Luke looked back at the now closed pit lid, frowning. She spends her own money? He had never known someone to be so generous. He looked to Raphael, who simply shrugged at him. “She earns the money throughout the year. It is only fair for her to spend it the way she wants.”

  “Christmas is extremely important to Gabby,” Raphael continued, rubbing his hands over the warm smoke coming out of the pit. “Family is very important to her. So when it comes to this time of year, she can be very intense.”

  “Why? I’ve never celebrated Christmas. What can be so special about it?”

  “You’ve never celebrated Christmas?” Gabby’s incredulous voice at the back door drew their attention. “How is that even possible? I know they celebrate Christmas in England!”

  Luke looked with trepidation at Gabby. He had never wanted her to know, for he had feared just such a reaction from her. She descended the steps to the pit and stood staring up at him. “And just how long were you going to wait before telling me such a thing?”

  “I didn’t think you needed to know. It’s really not that important.”

  “It’s very important. What do you mean you’ve never celebrated C
hristmas? Aren’t you Christian?”

  Luke regretted having said anything about Gabby’s decorations, her role in the family Christmas celebrations, or anything about Christmas at all. “Of course I am. But I just never had exposure to Christmas, unfortunately.”

  “How do you not have exposure to Christmas? I don’t understand.” Gabby was watching him with intent and even sympathy, the last thing he wanted.

  “Gabby, you have no reason to concern yourself with my experience of Christmas. I look forward to seeing it celebrated here in San Antonio.”

  She chewed on her lower lip as she stared up at him, then without another word, turned and headed back into the house. Luke wanted to curse out loud, but he couldn’t forget that the rest of her family was still surrounding him, and he wouldn’t embarrass himself...or her for that matter. It was the truth—he didn’t understand why Christmas was so special to her. But, perhaps, if he had grown up in an environment where there was an emphasis on Christmas as a joy instead of a reminder of pain and loss, he would be just as excited as she.

  She was disappointed—he could tell. She wanted him to be just as excited as she was, and she wanted to share her joy of Christmas. But he had thrown it back at her. And he’d felt like a heel as she’d walked away from him.

  He turned back to the pit and realized the other men were watching him with curiosity. “It’s a long story, and not one worth being told,” he said, trying to put closure on the subject.

  It was almost humorous as they lifted their eyebrows, then shrugged and returned to trying to warm themselves by the fire. “We’ll get the decorations out today,” Lorenzo said, his tone reserved.

  Luke nodded. “I hope to be back soon enough to help. I’m going to the clinic today to see how much work has been completed.”

  Lorenzo cleared his throat. “Not as much as you’d like, I’m certain. They’ve been trying to get the area cleared up in their spare time, but with the holidays, everyone has been otherwise occupied.”

  Luke’s grip on the tongs tightened in frustration. “Then I’ll do what I can, as well.”

  “Just be careful. There’s a lot of broken glass and wood blocks that are threatening to fall. None of it is structural, but it could be dangerous if any of it shifts unexpectedly.”

  Luke nodded, his eyes darting to the back door where he wished he could see Gabby. “I’ll make do just fine,” he said, and wished desperately he could find a way to make things right with Gabby once again.

  Morning service seemed to crawl by. Why wouldn’t he have told her about never experiencing Christmas? It didn’t make any sense. Surely he could tell how important Christmas was to her. Surely he could understand why she was so shocked by his comment. And, yet, he had told her it was nothing.

  Gabby concentrated on keeping fresh tortillas coming out and delivering coffee and water refills to the patrons. She avoided any interaction with the men as they brought in the meat, not wanting to encounter Luke. She wondered what else about himself he was keeping hidden from her. She didn’t truly know the man, but it certainly felt like she did.

  The few short days they’d had together so far had come and gone with them working together closely, and she had been her true self with him. Well, almost her true self. If he was only hiding that he’d never experienced Christmas, he was keeping far fewer secrets than she was. By the time morning sup had ended, she was feeling very much like a hypocrite. She wanted to apologize to Luke, but she didn’t know what she’d even say. Sorry I’m so self-absorbed I can’t understand how anyone could not love Christmas as much as I do. What if someone he loved had died at Christmas? What if something terrible had happened to him around Christmas, and he just wanted to avoid the terrible memories? What if—

  “I’m leaving for the clinic now. I was hop... I was wondering if you would like to go with me. It could prove profusely helpful to have someone knowledgeable in the basics of medicine to help me sort through the damage.”

  Gabby prayed that her face wasn’t showing her excitement. “Of course. I’ll be glad to assist in any way possible.” She did her best to maintain a serious tone, but even she could hear the slight uptick in her voice. It was exactly what she had been hoping he would ask.

  She dried her hands on the towel she had tossed over her shoulder, pleased she had at least finished washing the plates and mugs so they would be ready when lunch service began. “Just let me gather a few things and I’ll be ready to leave.”

  He nodded, but avoided making eye contact with her. Did I hurt his feelings earlier? Or did I probe into an old wound? Regardless of his secret, it was none of her business. She needed to remember he was a guest for the time being, and her curiosity was not appropriate. Though it was driving her crazy with all the questions floating around in her mind.

  She rushed down to the cellar and gathered her medical bag and her hat and gloves. After nearly freezing that morning when she had briefly stepped outside, she wasn’t going out into the cold unprepared again. Donning her oversized cloak, she said goodbye to her cousins quickly, told Raphael not to worry about her, and nodded to Luke as he held the door open for her.

  She began to turn to the small stables at the rear of the house to get their horses, but Luke caught her arm and began to lead her down the sidewalk. “The clinic isn’t too far from here,” he said lightly. “A good walk will warm us up and is also good for the health.”

  She lifted an eyebrow at him. “I’ve never met a doctor who encourages walking for health, though it is something I encourage frequently. Now, as far as warming us up...” a cold wind whipped around them and almost felt like it went through them “...I’m not sure we’ll achieve that objective.”

  A smile broke out on his features, the first she had seen since earlier in the morning. Maybe he had forgiven her for probing into his lack of Christmas cheer. “You’d be just as cold, if not more so, sitting high on a horse. No, walking is ideal.”

  She nodded and wondered if he realized he still had his arm linked with hers. Even through the fabric of her cloak and the thickness of his jacket she could feel his muscles, and she was fascinated by the feel of them rippling and moving as they walked. All of her brothers were strong, but their muscles had never fascinated her.

  “What-all do you know about the City of San Antonio?” he asked casually, in an awkward attempt at conversation.

  Gabby looked down at her feet, trying not to smile at his attempt. “I’ve lived in San Antonio most of my life. It wasn’t until about five years ago that my father inherited a large cattle ranch in Corpus Christi. We moved out there right as the Revolution was getting off the ground. I suppose it was a blessing, though I didn’t see it that way at the time. I hated leaving San Antonio.”

  “Because of all of your family here?”

  “That’s part of it. But I also had a lot of friends, and my mother was being recognized as a good healer and she was finally pulling in income. We didn’t have much money to begin with, but every little bit helped.”

  His eyebrows lifted, but he didn’t say anything, just let her keep talking. “But no matter how long I’ve been away—San Antonio is still home. It has changed so much now, though. It used to have tons of Mexican soldiers patrolling the streets and enforcing their version of the law. They once came to our house and tried to accuse my mother of being a witch because she was healing people. I thought they were going to kill her.”

  Luke looked down at her, his brow furrowed. “What did she do? How did she escape with her life?”

  Gabby smiled, picturing her mother’s face, hearing her mother’s voice, feeling her kind and gentle touch guiding her as she learned the role of being a healer, too. “My mother was an incredible woman. She invited a few of the soldiers to come into our home and have some fresh tortillas and honey. Only three of the soldiers would fit in our small home, and those who didn’t get to go inside seemed upset. I don’t know if it was because they were missing out on the tortillas and honey or the possibility of
seeing a real witch’s lair.” Gabby laughed softly. “It truly was a sight to see.”

  “So she convinced them with food that she wasn’t a witch?” Luke asked, shocked.

  “No, though that certainly helped warm them up to her. Once they were seated and eating, she brought out her books and showed them the pictures she had drawn of various plants and all of the notes she had taken over the years. Then she showed them her homemade medicines, and even pointed out that the honey they were eating was good for their throats and the cough that had been plaguing the soldiers over the last several weeks.

  “When she took them out to the back of the house and showed them her small garden that had many of the plants they had seen drawn in her book, they seemed reassured. One of the soldiers even asked her for something for a poison ivy rash that was bothering him so much.”

  “Unbelievable! They were about to imprison her or harm her under the suspicion of being a witch, and she used honey and tortillas to change their minds.”

  Gabby laughed. “If that’s how you choose to see it. I think that her ability to show them her research, and the actual plants that she used made it easier for them to understand what she was doing.”

  Luke smiled at her but shook his head. “I’ve heard so many stories, so many things about healers that I don’t know what to think about all of it.”

  Gabby sighed. “I’m sure you’ve heard many of the scary stories and the ones that make you cringe thinking I’m one of those types of people. There are people who call themselves healers who do terrible things and are nothing better than con artists. All they want is the hard-earned money families have gathered, and then they sell them a concoction that usually only makes them more ill. Then they make more money and give them some other concoction. Those are the healers who make people like me struggle to find acceptance.”

  He watched her closely for several more moments, then turned his eyes back to the street. “Why does it bother you so much that I’ve never had a Christmas?”